A COLOURFUL DECADE FROM ABOVE: VIRIDIAN
“We are the cosmos made conscious and life is the means by which the universe understands itself.”
– Prof. Brian Cox.
Alright. I’m here – one second, kettle boiling and now the pouring water is swirling rapidly off the chamomile tea bag like a tiny wave. Sometimes I imagine what it is like to be so small you could fit in there.
Okay, now I’m here.
And in many ways I’m also here at the end of the decade. I’ve somewhat made it through the end of 2019 unscathed despite the flu, a breakup, a breakthrough and the continuous healing from another years breakdown.
In all of the business of a decade I have learned the following; soup is the best thing to order when you’re unsure and hangry, there are many people who are fleeting and not that many who will stick but this is a great thing, you should do your best and not someone else’s idea of that, hang on to your My Chemical Romance shirt ‘cos there will be a comeback, your body will be fully yours even though at seventeen it feels like it is everyone else’s, self love is a continuous act towards yourself and just like healing it isn’t linear, drinking water is key – you idiot, just because something is good that doesn’t mean it is good for you, you should ring your mam everyday and find out one thing new about her life before you came into it because when she gets sick you’ll want to know them all, you don’t like the gym but you do love wearing adidas, panic attacks can’t kill you but they can kill a part of you – it comes back and it’s better.
Compromise isn’t a good word when it comes to your morals, it’s no good telling someone you love them when they are halfway out the door, the solar system will save your life on a cold January evening, when you need a sick day you should take it and especially if it’s for your mind – take two, join a credit union, your gut feeling is a real thing, black clothing is just better and perfect when you don’t know what to wear, good supplements actually do work, how you speak about yourself matters, intersectional feminism is the only way, knowing when to stay in and read is a skill, we should all go to counselling, walking by the water or in a forest changes you for the better, best friends can see when someone is no good, abuse is not just physical, birthday cards are important even if you send them late, cartoons make things better, people aren’t ladders to climb, you should always dance, love is something we spend our decades trying to explain when we should just spend it loving, one day they won’t be there, animals don’t belong on our plates, you don’t need to do it all and you don’t want to either, you still hate marzipan.
The greatest lesson I’ve learned however over this span of life, without a doubt, has been through working with children. They really are the greatest teachers. In the chaos, with flying pieces of lego, spilled jars of paint or the urgent need for a hug – the most important thing you can do is slow down. We waffle on a lot about being in the moment, it’s on mugs and clothing and probably tattooed to me somewhere without my knowledge, but it is so desperately true. If you don’t slow down your body will make you, often in the form of a cold or some ache with a lump of tissue up your nose and you lamenting that you ‘really don’t need this right now’.
If in this short but magical life you can learn to stand still you will actually take yourself on some of the most incredible journeys. You will learn how to trust your instinct as you did when you were small, you will know when you need to leave places and people, you will begin to heal the parts of yourself that are quietly aching for love and you will see when a four year old is trying to chew a book to pieces in a corner. Most of all, in sitting with fear or excitement you will achieve the greatest gift for yourself; you will live a present life. If I can look back on this new decade we’re now holding in ten years and know I was there for as much of it as I could be, if I can see that even when things were tough I trusted myself and stuck with my fairytale despite the harshness of a world which often makes you want to give up, then I will be grateful for every drop of life I was given.
There is so much magic out there, if you just stop and feel it. Here’s to the next ten years of living for it all.
P A P E R M A C H E M I N D
I N S T A G R A M | T W I T T E R | F A C E B O O K
If you enjoy my work & want to support me you can buy me a Kofi here.
Thank you to Virdian Nutrition for sending me this shirt and some great vitamins over the years.
Images: one of the best things to happen to me this decade: http://www.juliamonard.com/
